# Paranoia

I really want this to write it to my chinese diary, but secrets must be written on this book. Thats the simplest way to "hide" something from my family.

There is a psychopathy to my elder brother of being watched.

I'm feared that he would do something horrible to me if this "case" is going deteriorate. He (or I) really need a help for his "sick". But I'm worried that how to find a psychologist to "correct" his thought. But my these person are money-earning. And I don't know where to find these people. Money is a big problem.

I'm now recording what I observed and what characteristic to my brother:

There is a imagination of being watched, followed and even chased by a group. He think they works for some "dark side of China's civil servants' generations" (its a strength of China's dark side. It really exists but I don't think they really want to watch a person for a little sake for a couple of years.) He do not think he is "sick", he don't want to see the doctor.

I haven't say something about "sick" to him because he seems he think I'm a shareful person (share his fear) and I think touching these thing like walking in a mine field, it may cause many butterfly effect. I am trying hard to being agree with him, but just stable his mind. But I don't know what actually he think about me because he's very touchy when he's talk to me. He seems he's testing me and he think he can trust no one. Another fault, he think he's very "understand" my behaviour but I don't think so. Sometime he called me a "freak" for my misunderstood behaviour.

A "self-understood" person. He think his experience can explain everything. If his concept is really wrang, he won't recognize or telling the "opponents" that they get something wrong of his "speech". A "never reconize his lose" person is a better description.

He loves to play "Battlefield 2" and he played for many years and everydays that he won't get bored.

He think he's being watched in "no time" and nowhere is "save".

(1) the story start from 10+ years ago. An accident of "touching a super high-pressed "electric flow" from the top of the wire of a train. Which burnt 70% of his skin and caused an immdiate impact to his whole body.

It is a luna new year's eve. He's going to a disco with his friend. Of course, he also ate drugs. After the drugs, ( I don't know the following is true or false, Maybe these are his imagination, or it really happened.)

Then he try to "invite" girls to dance with him. However, that girl actually have a partner and her "partner" seems angry. Suddenly, he think he did something wrong to the strength. THe belived that his invited the "boss's" girlfriend. Then he felt so feared.

(There was something happend between he reached the high-pressed wire.)

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